I had my first same sex relationship when I was 18 and a half and despite living in a hetero straight centered world whereby I had been exposed to same sex relationships very minimally at all, I had never felt like this before, it's like something just clicked, the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle slotted in. It felt right, it felt good, it felt like me.
I have dimmed my real self down far too many times than I like to remember. There is always that worry, what will people think, what will people say when I reveal my sexuality. When asked questions like do you have a boyfriend? I have to make that split decision, do I just say no and leave it at that or do I say no but I have a girlfriend (this is obviously during times when I'm in a relationship) . But sometimes it is not just as simple as that. I have to think of the potential negative consequences of 'coming out' to new people. A lot of the time it's not because I think they will discriminate against me as luckily I have found the majority of people to be very accepting of who I am and who I love but because society has conditioned us that straight is the default, that being heterosexual is the norm and that any deviation away from this is not right, that it's weird, that's its different. Well it is different to what is considered ‘normal’ but it's a wonderful difference, it's a part of me that I embrace and that I love because it is me and everyone else deserves to feel like this. That saying, every time I 'out myself', (yes because of the hetero normative society we live in 'outing' ourselves is something that I have to do far too often) I always think is this going to change their opinion of me, what comments are they possibly going to say. If it is in my job or career, is this possibly going to work against me. Because there is always some sort of negative consequence, whether that's being invalidated by low key homophobic comments like 'well which one of you is the boy/man?' or when sometimes other girls say 'I might try being with a girl, I have no luck with boys' as if we are some sort of experiment or phase. Believe it or not, we are both women in the relationship as that's kind of the whole point of being attracted to women, I don't want there to be a man in sight. Often people think these comments are harmless, but they are invalidating. I can only speak from my own personal experience of being a lesbian. I also want to touch on that, sometimes I find it slightly difficult to even type lesbian because for some reason it's seen as a dirty word. There are lots of different terms 'gay' 'queer' 'lesbian' and people will have their own preference, what they feel comfortable with. I do usually use the word gay but I want to start embracing the word lesbian more because it is not a dirty word, it's a beautiful word and it's a part of my identity which I am very proud of.
This just touches the surface, just a few thoughts and reflections on what it's like to be a lesbian, on what it's like to be a member of the LGBTQIA+ Community. I can only speak from my own personal experience. This experience is just a drop in the ocean, there are so many other experiences. So many other sexualities and identities that we should educate ourselves on. So many different perspectives to learn about and learn from about how we can become more accepting, more diverse, and more inclusive. My journey of 'coming out' ( I really do dislike this term, maybe we should start using something more neutral like discovering my sexuality, I'm not sure if that works though either, suggestions are welcome?) has helped me to accept and learn so much about not just myself but others from the LGBTQIA+ community. The most important thing I have learnt is that we are all strong, valid and worthy of acceptance, support and love.
All my love,
Chlo x